I was reading about a book due to be launched next week called The Compatibility Code by Elizabeth George http://www.yourprefix.com/the-compatibility-code. Choosing the right life long partner. Basically the idea being that once attraction takes over we lose the ability to form an unbiased opinion about whether this person is a good match long term. The books takes us through the process of making better decisions for life long partners.
It struck me how true this is for emigrating and choosing a new country to live in also. Many times we go there on holiday and fall in love with the place. The culture, the way of life, the romance and adventure of something exciting and new. The promise of what life could be like. When we are being carried along in this romantic state, it is easy to view the situation with “rose coloured specs’ and overlook things that may not be right for us. Our emotions take over the decision making process.
Of course there is nothing wrong with being ‘in love’. As long as it is based upon good decisions and sound reasoning. Longer term the novelty will wear off, snow shovelling for 6 months of the year, only having 2 weeks annual paid vacation each year from work, or owning a larger house. Whatever benefits you get from living in a new country over time it will become normal. Little things you found exciting and endearing could become a nuisance and annoying.
You can approach it with the attitude that if it doesn’t work, at least we tried it, what have we got to lose, if it doesn’t work out we’ll go back. In reality as we foudn out that’s not as easy as it sounds. We had the practical issues such as financing another global move, starting from scratch back ‘home’, finding work, and the personal issues such as feelings of failure, self doubt abotu decision making and having to answer questions a hundred times ’what went wrong, oh it didnt work out then never mind!! aaarghh!
When making life changing decisions I want to feel in control and know they are going to be the right ones. I want to make the best choices and to be prepared for the ending of the honeymoon period. Being clear about what I want and why allows me to find it more easily.
What is going to to help you find the right place?
